I normally don’t put these forwarded emails on my reports, but this
one is very funny and relatable, as I just received my one-millionth
email today, from a “friend” telling me that they care about me so much
they have sent me an angel, BUT if I don’t forward the same message to
ten people in the next ten minutes, I will be hit by a bus. Thank you
friend.
SO THANK YOU:
I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over
the past year.
I am totally screwed up and have little chance of recovery.
Thanks to you . . . .
I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.
I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what
the last person was doing while flipping through the
adult movie channels.
I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because
I can only imagine what ha s happened on it since it was last washed.
I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the
floor of a public bathroom. Yuck!
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for
the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending
me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes .
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch
the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm
pumping gas.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave
anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with
a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
have their recipe .
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death
when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped
in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex
molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas
companies!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00
PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-
law's second husband's cousin's beautician...
Have a wonderful day....