THE FIST BUMP
1. If sports are involved, fist bumping is always acceptable.
2. If you are wearing a suit, you may only fist bump if you are drunk.
Or if you have just wrapped part of your suit around your forehead.
3. You may not fist bump under any circumstances, in a hospital. Unless
Rule #1 (or Rule #2) applies.
4. Do not fist bump someone else’s misfortune, even if it helps you.
Just look down, furrow your brow, and nod sternly.
5. No fist bumping between the hours of 7am and 10am. And if you’re
watching sports at this time, it’s probably soccer or NASCAR, and then
you should really not be fist bumping. High fives will suffice for both.
6. Do not fist bump in a meeting. Even if you are drunk.
7. Do not fist bump your children. Unless you’re drunk, then it’s OK.
8. Girls can fist bump anytime they want. And yes, guys think it’s cute.
9. Do not refuse a fist bump. If you, as a bumpee, believe the bumper
is violating a rule, speak to him afterwards. Refusing his bump is not
going to help anything.
10. Do not fist bump yourself.