Ok, I want to stop the rumor that's been circulating that I'm paranoid. I know you think I'm paranoid. But I'm not. You know who really thinks I'm paranoid? Well of course you know but I'll tell you since you are acting like you don't know. The people that the government has following me. They are the paranoid ones! Whenever I approach them and say, "I know you are following me", they always look at me like I'm crazy. I just giggle, "Nice try but I'm not paranoid, YOU'RE paranoid". Then they usually just go back to acting like they are breast-feeding their baby.
Laura also thinks I'm paranoid. How did the government get to her?
Occasionally she'll say, "No one is following you". I always think, "Is that what they told you to say?" Then she'll stare at me, probably cause they turned her into a robot or something.
Let's be honest here. Some things just don't add up. Why do you think your computer really is running so slow? Has anyone ever really bought a Soloflex? Why do Greek salads have un-pitted olives in it? Why do you think there is a golf channel? Huh? Huh? Everyone knows using Google makes your ears grow. Think about it, the government knew who was gonna win American Idol a long time ago. It's so obvious.
There is another reason why I'm not paranoid but I can't remember it probably 'cause part of my memory was erased during my last alien abduction. The aliens also falsely believed I was paranoid. But I'm not surprised because it's so obvious that the aliens work for the government. All I really remember about the aliens is that they were green, ate Bounce dryer sheets and were so paranoid.
I'm just glad I'm not paranoid like those aliens I'm friends with now.
Moon